awkward.

5:44 PM

Well life at TU is back in full swing and I'm still adjusting to the new major. I officially declared my communications major yesterday and it was strangely nerve-wracking. I felt silly being a junior, declaring my major for the first time. I had a lot of firsts this week; I had my first communications class, I signed up to audition for my first musical, I had my first spanish class of college and it is world's different from high school spanish- I might actually have to study! It's been a week of catching up, moving in, hugging, adjusting, and syllabus shock. But mostly this week has been awkward.
I realize now that I'm a junior I really have very little excuse to be awkward and shy. I have to just jump in there and do life. I have to stop worrying about the impression I'm making. I've already learned that life is better when I'm just myself, it's just hard to put that into practice. There's the awkward "introduce yourself to the class" situation where even if people are listening, they immediately forget. There's also the "meeting new people" kind of awkward where you're asking good questions and the conversation is flowing and then you just run out of things to say and a uncomfortable silence settles over the dinner table. Then there's the awkwardness of going into a class and realizing that you don't know a single person in the room and you might, in fact, be the oldest person (besides the prof) in the class.  Finally, there's the kind of awkward you feel when you see someone you haven't seen in months and you can't quite remember how to interact with them. 
So my week has been busy and awkward. The one thing that hasn't been awkward is my time with God. I drove off campus yesterday just so I could worship and be alone with Him in my car. It may have been the happiest half hour of this whole week. God is constant and steady and when life gets uncomfortable and stressful, He is there to completely wipe away the awkward. 
I went to a movie screening a few weeks ago for a film called "In a World" and there was a Q and A with the writer/ director/ main actress. It was discussed how genuine the movie felt and how real the characters were. My sister pointed out that the movie felt so authentic because there were many awkward moments. They didn't just "Hollywood" over the situations in this film, they let them be awkward like real life is. It was uncomfortable, but it make the movie so much more relatable. It made me think that maybe embracing one's awkward side might not be the worst thing. 
So hopefully this was some sort of encouragement if you've been having an awkward week. You aren't alone, haha. I have no advice, except to run to God because otherwise you'll get those sleepless nights where all you can think about is all the stupid things you've done and the awkward situations you've found yourself in. Let's move past the awkward and maybe even embrace that it is something we are going to encounter no matter how much we fine tune our social skills. 
-Also plug for that movie, I got to see it for free so I feel like I need to encourage you to go see it if you're interested. 


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