When Waiting on God Turned Out to be God Waiting on Me

9:37 PM

I have been obsessed with finding a major since I first stepped on campus for Freshman Orientation two years ago. I have considered every possible option and every career path, pouring over curriculum guides, accepting advice from anywhere I could get it, with the exception of my actual advisor... by the middle of sophomore year I was on my third change of major and hating it. I was running out of time and I still had no idea what I wanted to do. So what do you do when you have to move forward but there's no where left to go? You flee the country. I went to Ireland with the hopes of buying some time to make a decision. I knew several people who had gone on the same program and they all told me what a life changing experience it had been. The Irish Studies Program, where all of your dreams come true! That was how I imagined it. I thought I would spend a semester learning about leprechauns and pressing into God and by the time I got home I would be so assured on God's plan for me. I expected a big "ah- ha" moment with God and I was bound and determined to get one.
 I didn't get one.
My friend Val being a woodland fairy in Ireland with her pink running leggings.

 Ireland was amazing beyond belief, but not in the ways I was expecting. I made the best friends I've ever known, learned in the most unconventional environment, and discovered so much about my self. I did come back from Ireland as a different, more self- assured person, but I still had no clue what I wanted to major in. And that had kinda been the whole point. Or so I thought. I ended up just picking something broad that I could be flexible with when I had to pick a career. Christian Educational Ministries. I convinced myself that I was excited about it. The classes I'd signed up either sounded like they'd be terrifying, or obscenely boring. And yet I had resolved not to change my major for a fourth time. That would be ridiculous! 
 God likes to do ridiculous things sometimes, doesn't He? 

 Post- Ireland me likes to be busy and mildly stressed, I like challenges and trying new things. But most importantly I am insanely in love with God. I have been for many years now, but in Ireland I learned to rely on God in totally new ways. So I picked a major that I thought was reflective of my new intimacy with God, even if I wasn't really excited about it. I thought I had to sacrifice a little bit of my selfish goals for the greater good, to please Him, to follow His plan. But God didn't want me to be miserable serving Him. He wanted me to be joyful serving Him. I though that this meant doing something I didn't want to do, but being joyful about it. 

I'm the one dressed as Ke$ha in the front
 I was a theatre nerd in high school. From the ages of 12 to 18 I was convinced that I would be a theatre teacher. That was my goal, but senior year I realized that I had prioritized theatre over God. I loved going to rehearsal more than going to church. I would read scripts instead of the Bible. I knew this was messed up and God made it very clear that this was getting in the way of me fully experiencing Him. So when I went to college, I left theatre behind. I didn't get involved in the Theatre department at Taylor and it was hard. I was bored and angry. But eventually God found me. Crying on my dorm room floor, begging for a creative outlet and some friends, God gave me Gospel choir. A creative outlet, new friends, and 2 hours of weekly, worshipful rehearsal. I thought this was a fair compromise. Fast forward to Ireland where I was once again without my creative friend group. Being without my security blanket I was forced to make friends with people I never would have otherwise. I was forced to find ways to identify myself without music or theatre. It was uncomfortable and frustrating, but necessary. God knew what He was doing. 

 Going to see Eisely in concert has been my most exciting summer activity
 Now this summer I have been stripped bare once again. All those wonderful people from Ireland are on the other side of the country and I am left rely on God for companionship. I have a small handful of friends still here at home, but it's a big change to adjust to. This summer has found me working at a job I find tedious, exhausting, and, to be frank infuriating. (I'll post about how God is working there later) If anything this job is motivation to make sure I graduate and not get saddled with a job that I hate. Thus the inspiration for my degree change. 

 Several conversations this week have really solidified that God wants me to do what I love. He's giving me back theatre. I love him more than anything now and my priorities have been adjusted and readjusted. "Do what you love" is no longer advice I write off as meant for other, more self- actualized people. I was living under the idea that I will learn to love whatever I do, but God wants me to do what I love and serve Him through that. If I love what I do, the passion will be there and I will look forward to work and my life in a job that I have dreamed of. My schedule for next semester was miraculously easy to change and when I get back to campus in the fall I will be declaring a Communications major. I don't know how to explain it, other than I stopped obsessing and started focusing on God and He brought me the answer I though I already had.

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