Hope in Humility

10:09 AM





One of my biggest insecurities growing up was uncertainty of my intelligence. Since elementary school my closest friends have also been those at the top of the class. I was convinced that I was never smart enough and the people I surrounded myself with only confirmed that my intelligence did not measure up to theirs. My obsession with being "smart" also made me very arrogant around people I thought were unintelligent. I projected my disappointment in myself onto them and instead of valuing their other talents and skill, I only ever looked at their grades. This was not a fun way to live life. I was either feeling shamed by other people's arrogance or inflicting my own arrogance on someone else. At some point in high school I decided that there really were more important qualities in people other than their ability to master calculus or successfully analyze poetry. I made friends in other places and became less concerned with academia. Somehow, though, I still measured my own value in the ability of my brain. Every less than stellar grade, every fumbled math equation instilled in me the belief that I was stupid and I would never really amount to much in this life. When I was a senior people loved to tell me how open my future was and how much potential I had; I didn't really feel that potential, I felt a bit hopeless. 

College has changed that. And God has changed that. The friends I have now are very intelligent people, but they never make me feel like I'm unworthy of their friendship or their time. These relationships are founded in love for one another, not for academics. These friends have done a beautiful job of demonstrating humility to me. They don't laugh at my love for musicals or trashy television, in fact many of them share these loves. They probably don't realize how well they are mirroring Christ. Jesus was the Son of God, he literally knew everything. Yet not once in the Bible do you see him flaunting his intelligence. I don't recall him correcting anyone's grammar. He was gentle when he corrected. Jesus taught out of love, not out of personal gratification. 
It gets to a point in life where you have to stop judging everyone just because they're having more fun than you are. I am so much happier now that I'm not stressing about my grades and keeping myself informed about every little thing going on in the world. I still make good grades and can generally hold a conversation about current events, but I know when to let go and have fun. The humility I've seen in the people around me has helped me stop measuring my worth by my GPA. I actually have hope for my future, and that's a lovely feeling. 
-E




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