When things don't go the way we planned

12:44 PM

I didn't plan to have bad connections and mismatched schedules that kept me from talking to my parents for my first three weeks abroad. I didn't plan on missing the train for church this morning. I didn't plan on losing my temper yesterday afternoon, or last night, or this morning. I didn't plan on spending my afternoon alone and I definitely didn't plan on having any sort of revelation about my character. 
This morning I woke up with the intention of having a vastly better day than I did yesterday, but life pays no mind to our intentions. Life hands you whatever it has, scraping the bottom of the bag for the leftovers of someone else's good day. After missing the train this morning I walked back alone with self pity in my breath and mild anger in my footsteps. It's an odd feeling when you realize that no one's going to come looking for you, that you really are accountable for yourself. I feel like a freshman all over again. Missing home, missing my mom, wondering why in the world I decided to go so far away from everything, and doubting that I'll be able to pull myself from my fear to actual become friends with all these new people. This isn't nearly as scary as freshman year, but it is more frustrating. I guess I thought that if I could do this once, I could do it again. Funny how that works. You think you've learned a lesson only to realize that you're no where near finished with it. 
So what do you do? How do you handle all these things you can't really control? How do you relearn the lesson and adjust to the change you are do desperately avoiding? You pray. And you use the rest of your strength to have faith that God is in control. You just have to keep telling yourself that God is bigger than all these things that are overwhelming you. 
I'm still learning and as much as I'd like to say I'm beyond all these childish lessons, I'm not. I may be twenty, butI've still got a lot of growing up to do. 

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2 comments

  1. you have a beautiful way with words, miss elyse. i love seeing and hearing your heart, which is why i read your blog with every post you post. this one especially spoke to me. i am so impressed and proud of you, which may not be the reaction you would expect from such a post. but, i just wanted to let you know that. i love you, roomie.

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  2. Aw, this made my day, lovely! I miss you more than I ever thought possible, but I can't wait to see you again.

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